I emailed Zoe from Baby Sleepy Dust last Saturday morning out of pure desperation. I had averaged less than 3 hours sleep for the last 5 nights and the constant battle to get Florence to nap during the day had really made me feel like I was on the edge of depression. I know everyone talks about the dreaded ‘4 month sleep regression’ but 3 night feeds, combined with getting up at 4am and being out the house pushing Flo in the pram by 6am was really pushing me to my limits.
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So I am nearly 5 months in to my maternity leave and lots of people have suggested joining mum and baby groups. I have no doubt that they are places where you can find invaluable support during what can be a really challenging time
I’m sorry if we disturbed your coffee morning.
A blog post was shared on The Motherload Facebook page asking ‘Should we cherish every moment?’ I’ve had it said to me a few times, usually by those of the older generation. I should cherish it all, as it goes so quickly. I don’t doubt that at all, but seriously.... How are you supposed to cherish this? This screaming continued for nearly 80 minutes and no amount of ‘sshing’, bum patting or marching up and down the kitchen was working. She was fed, clean, warm, being held, she’d had teething granules and calpol. Yet still it continued despite my best efforts to settle her. I cherish moments like these... But definitely not this.... Most of the time I look at my lovely baby and can’t believe how lucky I am. She is healthy and happy (sometimes) and she makes me laugh on a daily basis. Other times I can’t believe how unbelievably shit it is and I wonder what the hell I have done. More mums need to admit that sometimes it is shit, so new mums don’t feel guilty when they are thinking ‘This is shit!’ We need to acknowledge that although having a baby is a wonderful gift, it can be a bloody hard and sometimes thankless task. So, no. I don’t think we have to cherish every moment. I don’t think that is at all possible. We just need to know that the shit times will pass and there will be so much more to cherish in the future. Abbie x I popped in to work yesterday and was asked ‘What is it like being on maternity leave? I bet it’s lovely having all that time off’.
I smiled politely and said ‘Yes it’s lovely. I’m really enjoying it’. I now wish I hadn’t lied and had gave those childless, carefree people a really glimpse in to the life of a new mother. Take today for example- 0615- Wake up having fed the small one at 2200, 0100 and 0300 and remembered I had been dreaming that the Small Potatoes had followed me on Instagram🥔 Changed the baby, fed the baby, attempted to stick her in front of CBeebies so I could feed myself. She was having none of it. Awkwardly made a slice of toast one handed, holding wriggly small person in the other hand. Forfeit coffee as it will only go cold anyway. 0745- Attempt to put the small down for her nap. She lays babbling away, quite cute really. 0750- Small one starts to scream. Attempt to ‘ssh’ her to sleep. Leaving her to self settle. Put dummy back in 795 times. Press Ewan’s leg approximately every 5 minutes to avoid further screaming when he stops. 0805- Baby still screaming. Maybe she’s hungry? Small one takes another 4oz. Put her back down... still screaming. 0815- Give up. Take small person back on the sofa. Cuddle her to sleep. Realise I’m now stuck. CBeebies is still on the TV and I can’t reach the remote. 1030- Baby wakes up. I’ve sat for 2hrs. Cold and thirsty watching CBeebies on the tele. At least I know what’s in Mr Tumbles spotty sack 😏 Feed. Change. Manage to grab a shower while baby shouts enthusiastically at the toys attached to her playmat. Cute 💓 1100- Small persons time for a wash. Strip baby off ready for a cotton wool and water wash. Door knocks. Shit. I know it will be the DPD courier to collect our ISO-fix base that has broken (😤). Answer door holding naked baby. Baby SHITS all over me. Not just a normal shit. A ‘I had my 12 weeks jabs, Rotavirus’ Shit. Kick box out the door apologising profusely wondering if it appropriate to open the gin yet. Wash and dress us both, laundry on. 1200-Nap time. 1230- Why won’t this child sleep for god sake 😫 1300- Right we’re going out. Drive to Tesco for a new PerfectPrep filter (£11.80!!!). Speed March 3 loops round Tesco, not just the perimeter, up and down every bastard aisle to try and get the baby to sleep so I can drink a hot coffee in the café while the car is being washed. 1345- First coffee of the day. Look at sleeping small person and think she’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. 1353- Small one wakes, screaming. She’s had approximately 17 minutes sleep. 1400- Pick up car (£23!) Attempt to put air in the tyres. Leave door slightly ajar to listen for the intensity of screaming. Get to the 3rd tyre and realise the baby is screaming so much she’s holding her breath. By this point I am actually sweating. I have a sweat tache, in January!!! Baby screams in the car at every red light, roundabout, old lady crossing the road. Stops within seconds of me driving again. This should definitely be part of your driving test, it’s SO distracting. Turn up Kisstory to drown out the screaming 🙉 All of this before 3pm. So THAT’S what it’s like being on maternity leave. It’s not all baby sensory and coffee mornings. In all honesty I’ll probably upload a cute picture of the baby sleeping in Tesco Café to Facebook captioned ‘Coffee with my girl 💓’ in a feeble attempt to make it look like I’ve got my shit together. They have no idea! |
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